Last Call

Very amusing.

subtitled stills

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU MUM! 

Recorder King

A post shared by 🐟 (@betasalmon) on Apr 14, 2018 at 6:52pm PDT

Some sort of magic.

Eyebrows

Funny that somebody was concerned about that... totally a top-priority question.

Double Entendre

Funny titles found in the wild from  @rubyhoppen 's instagram

Raping and Pillaging according to David Mitchell

Fair point. 

And again, I'm sorry about the Hapsburg Jaw comment. ;)

Old Colbert Video

Background needed for this video is provided by the notes section of the video:

Uploaded on Sep 24, 2010

Stephen Colbert testifies at a House Judiciary Hearing on the state of agricultural jobs in the U.S. These are his opening remarks
The reason for Colbert's appearance was because of a program launched by the United Farm Workers: Take Our Jobs, which invited legal citizens and residents to replace undocumented workers in the fields. Colbert had used his program in the past to highlight this initiative by performing field labor for a day.

Hug Me

Gavin Haynes wrote a rather amusing article for the Guardian about hugging etiquette, including these part true, part tongue-in-cheek tips for hugging etiquette. Short but sweet, it's well worth a read. But here are some highlights: 

At the end of your trial, it is inappropriate to hug any judge above county-court level. Jurors will appreciate a raised hand, and a mouthed “Thanks”. One’s own counsel can be hugged – it’s included in the fees, and given the size of those fees, it’s often possible to negotiate a bit of head massage, too.

Men who turn up in social situations finagling hugs from women they know only vaguely should be hugged solely to identify them to the police.

Bad news that can’t be delivered with a hug: I’ve got syphilis. Your ribs are broken. She was crushed to death by a python.

Rosamund Pike + Dominic Cooper + British Academy Awards 2011

"It's gone well."

Such an amusing and genuine British display of going with the flow. Only in  (but in fact not limited to) Britain would this happen on television. I love that.

Jane Eyre texts

Source

The Rock

Don't ask how I ended up reading this article in GQ about Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, but I did, so here are some funny bits!

Juan Pantoja de la Cruz and a little bit of a diversion...

Spanish court painter for Phillips II and III (Proud sporters of the Hapsburg jaw*)
Paintings, and details of, the Spanish court by Juan Pantoja de la Cruz:

Impressive hat, she looks swamped by it! 

____  _____  ____
* The Hapsburg Jaw as seen in the Phillip II of Spain, but most notably in Carlos/ Charles II.
But first, a little side note on Phil 2.

Philip II. Boy was he chuffed with himself and his little artistic peep show at El Escorial. 

Loving Phillip II's twitter account - which he, by all accounts (punny!) would probably have been really into if he was de nos jours.

In the above portrait, he actually reminds me of Edmund from season 1 of Blackadder. I wonder if his outfit was inspired by that exact painting???

Now I feel really bad about making fun of the Hapsburg Jaw. Poor Carlos.

The Hapsburgs ruled Spain from 1516 to 1700, presiding over the first global empire, but died out after generations of intermarriage, according to the first genetic analysis of the family.

The royal fashion of marrying relatives to preserve the dynastic heritage culminated in a monarch who was so genetically inbred that he was unable to provide an heir and power passed to the French Bourbons.

The dynasty was one of the most important and influential royal families in Europe - branches of the family ruled Austria, Hungary, Belgium, the Netherlands, the German empire and Spain.

Scientists have examined the family tree of the last of the Spanish Habsburgs, King Charles II, who died in 1700 at the age of 39, and discovered that, as a result of repeated marriages between close relatives, he was almost as inbred as the offspring of an incestuous relationship between a brother and sister or father and daughter.

The study found that nine out of 11 marriages over the 200 years were between first cousins or uncles and nieces, producing a small gene pool that made rare recessive genetic illnesses more prevalent.

Only half of the babies born to the dynasty during the period studied lived to see their first birthday, compared with about 80 per cent of children in Spanish villages at the time. 

The study, published this week in the journal Public Library of Science One, indicated that Charles II suffered from two separate rare genetic conditions, which were almost certainly the result of his ancestors' marriage patterns and which effectively assured that the dynasty died out with him.
Nicknamed El Hechizado ("the hexed") because of his deformities, Charles II was not only inflicted with an extreme version of the Hapsburg chin, as immortalised in portraits by Titian and Velazquez, but his tongue was said to be so big for his mouth that he had difficulty speaking and drooled.

Which is exactly what this portrait looks like, so I guess that wasn't incompetency, but rather truthful and competent painting...

Close up of Charles II in the portrait King Charles II (by Juan Carreño de Miranda, 1685)

Velazquez's Carlos II

Historical accounts record that he also suffered from an oversized head, intestinal upsets, convulsions and, according to his first wife, premature ejaculation and his second wife, impotence.

"He was unable to speak until the age of four, and could not walk until the age of eight. He was short, weak and quite lean and thin," said Gonzalo Alvarez, of the University of Santiago de Compostela, who led the study.
"He looked like an old person when he was 30 years old, suffering edemas [swellings] on his feet, legs, abdomen and face. During the last years of his life he could barely stand up and suffered from hallucinations and convulsive episodes," he said.

I'm a horrible person. Sorry Charles.

The scientists concluded that medical problems of Charles II were not random but could be symptoms of two genetic disorders; an inherited thyroid deficiency, and renal tubular acidosis, a type of kidney failure that can cause metabolic problems. source.

You too, other Charles (V).
No hiding that Habsburg jaw under a beard Charles V; nice try though.

Bees

The Cat...

... is plotting against you.

I don't know what a cat's doing in a restaurant, but he looks as if he's plotting a health code violation.

Reply from SA: "He is a healthy thing, he's keeping the vermin down!"

- You hear that vermin, he's plotting against YOU! 

From "In a Roman Osteria" by Carl Bloch, 1866 

Hey Girl

Classical Philology

I just love academics. No matter how dry they are accused of being, you always find articles such as this racy one. Nestled among the other search results, I found:

____________

The ΣΩΦΡΟΣΥΝΗ of Persinna and the Romantic Strategy of Heliodorus' Aethiopica by Michael J Anderson 

Philopoemen's Reform of the Achaean Army by J.K. Anderson 

The Use of the Oe-Dipthong in Plautus by Andrew J Anderson

Studies in the Exclamatory Infinitive by Andrew Runni Anderson 

Athena's Big Finger: An Unnoticed Sexual Joke in Aristophanes' Knights. 

by Carl A. Anderson

The Unity of the Enclitic ne by Andrew Runni Anderson 

Putting Pressure on Plutarch: Philostratus Epistle 73 by Graham Anderson 

Greek Parallels for Opus Est by Andrew R Anderson 

____________

I am yet to read it, but the title alone is enough to excite, no?!!?!!
Don't ask me what philology is though, no clue.
This is also an interesting article on women in classical Greece that I stumbled upon. Heilbrunn Timeline is a great website FYI.

The mentioned article is from: Classical Philology [Journal], Vol. 103, No. 2, (April 2008).

MUSIC: Charles II: King of Bling - Horrible Histories

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LYRICS: Charles II: King of Bling - by Horrible Histories. Has to be one of the best.

Charles II rap from Horrible Histories series 2.
Music: Richie Webb
Lyrics: Dave Cohen
Performed by Mat Baynton

 My name is, my name is
My name is, Charles II! 

I love the people

And the people love me

So much that they restored

The English monarchy! 

I'm part Scottish, French, Italian

A little bit Dane

But one hundred percent party animal

Champagne?

Spaniels I adored

Named after me too

Like me, they were fun

With a nutty hair do! 

Is today my birthday?

I can't recall

Let's have a party anyway

Because I love a masked ball! 

All hail, the king! 

Of bling! Let's sing! 

Bells ring! Ding ding! 

I'm the king who brought back partying! 

King Charles, my daddy 

Lost his throne

And kings were banned

They chopped off his head

Then Olly Cromwell ruled the land

Old Olly wasn't jolly

He was glum, and he was proud

Would be miserable as sin

Only sinning's not allowed! 

When Olly died, the people said

'Charlie, me hearty! 

Get rid of his dull laws

Come back, we'd rather party! '

This action's what they called

The monarchy restoration

Which naturally was followed

By a huge celebration! 

The King of Eng! (Land say! )

No sin! Too sing! (Okay! )

Or anything! 

All say, I'm the king who brought back partying! 

Great London Fire was a whopper! 

In my reign, London city came a-cropper! 

So this king did what was right and proper

Fought the fire, proved I'm more than a bopper

I'm a fire stopper! 

Married Catherine Braganza

She was a love so true

There would never be another

Well... maybe one or two! 

Lucy Walter, Nell Gwynne

Moll Davies, Barbara Villiers

You think that's bad

But her name's not as silly as... 

Hortense Mancini! 

As king, I must admit

I broke the wedding rules

But who cares when I brought back

The crown jewels?

I reinstated Christmas

Make up, sports and even plays

I was the merry monarch

They were good old days! 

When said and done! 

King Charles did run! 

England for fun! 

I was the king loved by everyone

My song is done! 

Party anyone?

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Top: Mat Baynton as King Charles II, King of Bling.
Bottom row from left to right: 3 of the many mistresses, Moll Davies, Hortense Mancini, and Nell Gwynne.

Hortense Mancini and the Mancini sisters were pretty much restoration versions of the Mitford Sisters. Do check them out, especially the book "The Kings' Mistresses" by Elizabeth C Goldsmith. Further, The King's Bed - gossip is always fun if not completely accurate. Yes that apostrophe was supposed to be after the s, implying multiple kings and multiple mistresses!

Oh, and the actual Charles II:

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